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Post by juggalette27 on Dec 13, 2007 16:03:15 GMT -5
Hi, just found this site today; I am Sandy, first-time mom of Anna, who is trying to win the prize for fussiest baby on the block ;D Well, I have to say I am already feeling better after reading about all the babies that are worse than mine (my apologies to the moms of those babies...). Anna is 2 months old and likes to scream a lot, especially in the evening. I have tried all I could think of to prevent it from happening, but no matter how much or little she sleeps or how little I stimulate her during the day, she always ends up screaming. Its driving me up the wall and I feel like the worst parent ever at times, because I just can't figure out what's wrong with her. It's hard for me to accept that she may just cry for no reason, just doesn't make any sense to me Now, my biggest problem right now is my husband. I am alone with her all day, we don't have any family nearby and I don't have any close friends I can bother with this, so naturally at night I am quite tired and fed up with her screaming. My husband refuses to walk with her, so when he has her he will rock her for maybe half an hour (sometimes while she is still screaming) and then put her down in her crib (where she usually continues screaming). I don't know if there is something wrong with me or him, but I just can't listen to her screaming for long periods. After 15 minutes I have to pick her up, I just can't help it Doesn't matter if it's 3 p.m. or 3 a.m. Since we can't agree on that, we have been fighting a lot, he tells me I need to 'hold it up better because I make him feel worse', and there is just a lot of tension between us. Does anybody have suggestions on how to deal with this? I sometimes feel like I am totally alone in this and that makes me even more mad at him... Sandy
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Post by mommyof2gurlies on Dec 13, 2007 16:12:17 GMT -5
You know...the first 4 months of my daughters life....I thought our relationship would end. We were under so much stress...we both were arguing about who was doing more work, who was getting more sleep.....its normal under any stressful situation to have turmoil in your relationship. It WILL pass. Things definitley get better once everything at home calms down. Its ALREADY stressful to have a newborn...and then one that screams all the time, lack of sleep...all that good stuff. It just is a bad mix. I wouldnt stress too much on that. I STILL get angry at my husband because i feel like a lot of it i do alone. Just tell him when you need help and talk to him about it. Let him know you CANNOT get thru this alone and you really need atleast SOME support. It really helps to keep the communication going. There is soo much stress and craziness that sometimes feelings get over looked. Hang in there
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Post by mel5mel on Dec 13, 2007 16:31:53 GMT -5
There is sometimes... like today when weve had a lot of crying I just snap... at whoever is near me. I felt like my husband didnt understand bc hes never here with Payton for more than a few hours at a time. Like you Sandy, I have no family near us either and i just wish i could farm him out for a few hours. My husband and I fought a lot those first few months and Payton and I packed up and left a lot, we even got to the point that I called my family and told them to bring a truck. You need to do for your baby what needs to be done for your baby, but if you need a break put Anna down and walk away just for a few minutes, soon she will be a happy smiley baby. Tell your husband how you feel and hopefully with reinforcing that you feel alone and like your doing it all by yourself he will understand. Until things clear up were here for you... HUGS to you and Anna
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Post by mommyof2gurlies on Dec 13, 2007 17:15:32 GMT -5
Yah...we too had NO help. Still dont....i can totally relate. Its all on my husband and I's shoulders to take care of both girls 24/7....without a break
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Post by mtmomx3 on Dec 14, 2007 10:44:47 GMT -5
I feel for you Sandy. Even before I had Olivia Craig was no help. If the kids want something they come to me rather I am busy or not. It's rough being the only one to do it. Don't burn your self out, if she to much and you can't get stuff around the house done just leave it. Eventually this screaming thing is supposed to go away. Olivia is six months today and her colic is gone and has been for a month or so. She is still very demanding but that I think is her personality. But as faras the huby goes, if you are first time parents, assuming he has never been around a lot of infants he just may be afraid of her. This could be the lack of interest and help. When Liv was really colic I was the one thing that to make it stop for awhile, only because I nurse and shes a piggy. This made Craig feel inadequate though. He felt his baby did not love him and he felt useless because no matter what he did she cried. The fact that you have to get her when she cries is good, she's to little to cry it out. She has to build the trust factor with you and if you don't respond when she has a need you tend to make that bond more challenging to form. Don't feel like a bad Mom, it's not your fault and until the colic passes its hard to bond and stuff. You can't fix her, you may find somesort of vise for her that will slow the amount of cries but just wait it out, tell your hubby it has nothing to do with him that she cries. Next time he gets home from work hand her off tell him you need a shower and go stand in a nice hot loud shower for awhile, regain composer and then go take her back. It might only be a small break but its better than nothing.
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Post by mommyof2gurlies on Dec 14, 2007 11:35:35 GMT -5
amen to that. Chariti is a smart lady You should take her advice. Shes a professional mama
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Post by pamcrt on Dec 14, 2007 11:55:18 GMT -5
I agree. Hand her off even if it's only for 15 -20 minutes. It's more of a break than you got all day. And Chariti is right, if you are first time parents and your husband hasn't really been around a lot of babies, he simply may be afraid of her. All that crying is enough to scare the crap out of anyone... including the baby. Not that that is an excuse not to help you, he needs to, but it could explain his uneasiness and the tension developing between the 2 of you. My husband was a "veteran" father. he had 3 girls before we had Abby and I had one daughter, but he still was a little squeamish when it came to having to deal with her when she cried. But she is almost 8 months now and we all survived. It will get better honey. Big hugs... Pam
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Post by phxmama on Dec 14, 2007 23:34:55 GMT -5
I know how you feel. We have no family nearby to help out and my husband was traveling pretty much non-stop for weeks 2-8 of my daughter's life. I thought I was going to lose my mind with the endless nights of screaming all by myself. He would help a little when he got home, but would get so frustrated with her. He then came home one day and told me that our house is so stressful with her that he avoids coming home at all! I understood as I feel the same way, but it absolutely broke my heart. I really thought my marriage was over. He apologized a few days later, but admitted that he still felt that way.
Well, fast forward a couple of weeks and my daughter has suddenly gotten much easier to deal with and he has been home. He seems to be much better with both of us now. However, that incident really scared me and I'm still looking into us going to marriage counseling. I still hold a lot of resentment against him for abandoning us at such a difficult time and for dumping that crap on me when he got home. I still worry about us and hope to start some counseling after the holidays.
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Post by deeter54 on Dec 15, 2007 0:34:35 GMT -5
I know what you are going through. Gradually my daughter's colic is getting better. She is going on four months and my relationship with my husband is starting to get better. We fought constantly those first few months. I too have no help except me and him. No one has ever watched her for even an hour. My best friend hides now because she can't deal with the screaming so she is out of the helping department. Don't worry, as the babies screaming lessens so does the tension
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